Sunday, December 2, 2007

With Helen Thomas as the Bionic Woman

Dana Perino won the two-out-of-three game of "Rock, Paper, Scissors" when Tony Snow resigned and now she thinks she's All That.

Q Why should we depend on him?

MS. PERINO: Because he is the commander on the ground, Helen. He's the one who is making sure that the situation is moving —

Q You mean how many more people we kill?

MS. PERINO: Helen, I find it really unfortunate that you use your front row position, bestowed upon you by your colleagues, to make such statements. This is a — it is an honor and a privilege to be in the briefing room, and to suggest that we, at the United States, are killing innocent people is just absurd and very offensive.
*Skrrrrrrrk!*, *bzzzzzzt!* "Return on Success...Commanders on the Ground...Time of War!" *Bzzzzt!*

Yes, Dana Perino, Helen Thomas should get down on her wizened knees and thank Jeebus every day that after all her years of trail-blazing reporting in Washington, she gets to come to work and be blandly lied to by some half-bright protocol droid with a degree from Booger Holler Bible College. What. An. Honor.

Where do they find these people?