Tuesday, November 27, 2007

And There's a Taste in My Mouth/As Desperation Takes Hold

Excuse me while I cry myself a river.

Liberals want to save the whales. Environmentalists want to save the Everglades. Conservatives want to save the Confederate flag but we just want to SAVE TUCKER.

MSNBC executives are considering cancelling 'Tucker' with Tucker Carlson which airs on MSNBC at 6:00pm EST weekdays.

That is just so sad. I may never stop laughing.

Yes, faced with the possibility of one less Vapid Villager on the TeeVee, certain members of the Far Right are taking to the streets. Citizen action NOW, you guys. I'm, like, totally serious. Someone has got to SAVE TUCKER.
This decision by MSNBC will silence a [bleating, whiny, intensely irritating-ed.] conservative voice, part of a move by MSNBC to swing left and become "FOX for the Liberals," dropping any pretense of objectivity or balance.

Things I secretly enjoy:

1. When Republicans inadvertently admit that Pox News is a GOP propaganda mill.

Any guy willing to go on "Dancing with the Stars" and treat guests both left and right with spirited but congenial debate should not be purged in some ideological marketing plan.

2. When suddenly the Right's faith in free markets collapses like a federal levee because god forbid, one of their own is actually threatened. (See National Review Online and Lileks, James for further details.)

Guys, I hate to break it to you, but it's got nothing to do with ideology and everything to do with ratings. Tucker is the second lowest rated man in cable news. Only Glenn Beck ranks lower. Surely you see what the Free Market dictates here. He's not pulling his weight. He's just soaking up the television equivalent of welfare dollars. Off. With. His. Head.

Because people who won't pull their weight are just a drag on society, aren't they, Republicans? The way Ah wuz raised, you work hard, take care of your own, and you don't take handouts from nobody.

Methinks your faith in Tucker's Alex P. Keaton Goes to Washington shtick is badly misplaced. He's dead weight now. If he was a horse, MSNBC would send him off to the glue factory or just take him out back and shoot him.

Why don't you guys get behind a cause you have a better chance of winning, like, I dunno, Tom Tancredo's campaign? (Is he even still in the race?) That movement to make Texas a sovereign nation? The ongoing fight to eliminate the serial comma?

I promise, only heartbreak lies ahead for you. Jon Stewart slashed the tires on Tucker's career and ever since, ol' TC has been riding on the rims. If you really care about Tucker, you'll get him out from behind the wheel, take away his keys, and send him home to sleep it off. Even if you do manage to convince MSNBC to keep him on, which is doubtful, it will only prolong the inevitable. There is no golden comeback era waiting just around the corner for Carlson. That ship, as they say, has sailed.

Doesn't he get a nickel every time someone opens a can of chicken broth, anyway?

He'll be alright.