(Trent Lott and Larry Craig. Easy on those microphones, boys.)
Well, it seems there may be a Republican scandal this year that doesn't involve a male escort after all. And frankly, a high-profile Republican resignation without a studly male escort, to me, is like a day without sunshine.
Prominent Mississippi trial attorney Richard "Dickie" Scruggs, the brother-in-law of outgoing GOP Sen. Trent Lott...
Have I complained lately that every Republican politician south of the Beltway seems to have a name that would make a golden retriever weep with shame? Honestly, a grown man called "Dickie"? Can't you just see yourself out on the back porch at nightfall whistling and clapping your hands? "Dickie, Saxby, Sonny, Bubba, Rufus!! Hey! Time to come in for the night! Heeeere, boys!"
But I'm sorry, you were saying:
...was indicted by a federal grand jury Wednesday on charges that he and four other men tried to bribe a Mississippi state court judge.
According to the 13-page indictment, Scruggs and three other attorneys -- including Lott's nephew Zach -- attempted to bribe Mississippi Third Circuit Court Judge Henry L. Lackey with at least $40,000 in cash.
Yawn. That is so not news. A Republican with corruption in the family? That's about as shocking as a Pope with Catholics in the family.
I haven't entirely given up on the male escort thing, though. Said escort, whose nom de guerre is "Benjamin Nicholas" has denied any familiarity with Lott:
A San Antonio-based gay male escort categorically denied Monday that outgoing GOP Sen. Trent Lott had ever procured his services, putting to bed one of the more stunning rumors to emerge following Lott's announcement earlier in the day that he was leaving Congress.
The charge was first published by the Washington DC blog Big Head DC, which claimed to have emails where the escort, Benjamin Nicholas, allegedly playing coy, declined to go on the record because "Trent is going through his fair share of scrutiny right now and I don't want to add to it."
Although, I call total strangers who aren't my clients and are highly placed Republican politicians by their first names all the time. Of course, then our (ahem) tight-lipped escort turned around and said the following:
Whether I’m seeing celebrities, politicians, athletes, or anyone else, it’s my job to make sure that each person is treated with the same respect and confidentiality. … I don’t pass judgment on them, and I sure as hell wouldn’t “out” any of them.
So, correct me if I'm wrong, but he basically just said, "I don't know anything about Trent Lott, never met him before in my life...but I say that about all my clients."
Besides, Republicans don't even resign from office when they're the ones getting indicted. They practically had to drag Tom DeLay kicking and screaming out of the House, baby-tantrum style. What does Trent Lott care if his brother-in-law and nephew are in trouble with the law, honestly?
And given all that we have learned about the Big Gay Fraternity ("Simper Phi"?) that apparently has all the pole positions (*cough!*) in the GOP locked down, would it really be any surprise if Lott was yet another stuffy old married cock-smoker? And what of the ongoing, slow-motion resignation of giant, walking intestinal polyp Denny Hastert? What was the line of b.s. they trotted out to explain that one again? Lobbying laws? I'm sure it has absolutely, positively nothing to do with keeping Mark Foley and his obsessive fascination with underage boys under wraps for twenty years.
Whatever. I think there is a veritable hailstorm of other shoes to drop with this crowd of nasty-ass closet-cases. I do think it's kind of a shame, however, that this seems to be one of the only ways that gays can have a major impact on today's American political process.
Clearly, I'm in the wrong line of work.